Sex Dreams: Why They Happen and What They Mean

By ASTROGLIDE Team Sex Tips a man sleeping in bed

Have you ever jolted awake and wondered why you had a sexual dream about an old ex? Or wondered why you were getting hot and heavy with someone you have never thought of in a sexual way before? How about why you were dreaming about some particularly wild situations you’ve never tried in your actual sex life? You might have woken up confused, weirded out, or wanted to go back to sleep and finish that smokin’ hot dream.

We’ve almost all had at least one sex dream at some point in our lives. No, really; a recent study suggests over 70% of people have had at least one sex dream in their lives. Sex dreams are quite common and completely natural. But have you ever wondered if erotic dreams are significant?

The meaning behind any dream is extremely subjective to each individual and their personal experiences. However, they could lend perspective to something you are going through in your conscious life. It’s the same with sex dreams.

Read on as we answer the most asked questions surrounding sex dreams, and even go through some common sexual dreams and what they possibly mean!

a woman sleeping in bed

Do sex dreams mean anything?

Short answer: maybe. Erotic dreams are still a gray area for us. We can’t even say for certain why people dream in the first place or what purpose dreams serve. In general, they are believed to be your brain’s way of processing recent events. This could mean your dreams are an interpretation of whatever current life events you are going through. Or it could just be your subconscious letting off some steam.

Why do I have sex dreams?

There could be a number of reasons why your sex life is following you to sleep! The most straightforward is that you think about sex a lot. If you are very sexual in nature and have more sexual thoughts, then you could simply be carrying that over to your dreams. And there’s nothing wrong with this–dreams don’t always have to be a puzzle wrapped in riddles to solve. Sometimes they are very simple.

Another reason could be you want more sex. You don’t or haven’t been having as much sex as you would like, leaving you unsatisfied, and it is reflected in your dreams. Maybe you’ve recently had a lifestyle change and are very busy, or you just broke up with your partner and haven’t been ready to get back in the bedroom. If this is you, click here for Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s ten tips for better sex and relationships.

If you are in some way still defining yourself or your preferences, this might play a role. If you haven’t solidified your sexual identity or are still developing your sexual preferences, you might be dreaming about sex more. This is most likely your brain seeing the struggle and trying to work through it somehow in your dreams. Or, your brain is just as stumped as you are and just exploring scenarios while you sleep.

a person journaling in bed

How to interpret a sex dream

While dreams, in general are still very much a mystery, here are some general tips on deciphering your own sex dream:

  • Evaluate where you’re at with sex in your awake life. Are you happy with how much sex you’re having? Are you satisfied with the actual sex? Are you feeling connected or disconnected in your sex life? All of these answers could play a role in what your dream could mean.
  • What else is going on in your life? How are you feeling at work? How is your romantic life (besides the sex part)? Are you stressed about anything? Your dreams can reflect where you feel you are in your life. However, you’re feeling could be coming out while you sleep and sometimes might be expressed with a steamy sex scene.
  • Try to analyze any symbolic elements. If you recognize anything that could represent something else in your life, dive into that. You know yourself best so you have the best ability to recognize what a symbol might mean in your life. Think back on your important moments.

How to stop having sex dreams

There isn’t a magic trick to get these to stop. Start by taking comfort in knowing these dreams are perfectly natural to have. One thing you can try if you still want them to stop is if you aren’t satisfied with your sex life somehow, take strides to improve things and become more satisfied. But again, that is not going to be a solution for everyone. It all depends on the person having them and why that individual is dreaming about sex. Now that you know more about what sex dreams mean, let’s learn about common sex dreams.

a woman in lingerie smiling with her eyes closed

5 Common Sex Dreams

1. Sex dreams about your ex

First of all, we feel for you. This one would have us feeling some type of way. There could be a number of reasons depending on how things ended. If you had great sex, it could just mean you miss the sex. It could also mean you miss the person, but it doesn’t mean you are necessarily hoping to get back together. If you are in a good place without them, this could just be your subconscious working through your thoughts on that relationship, sex life, or type of person. You might want to think about all of this before you pick up that phone to text them the next day and give in to your sexual desire. Dreams are powerful, but don’t let them overpower your decision to break up.

2. Sex with… your boss

Well…are they attractive to you? Yes? Okay, there is your answer. If you said no, then this erotic dream could represent what you want with your job. Maybe you are looking to get promoted, or maybe you want their role someday. Your ambition and goals could be the key here. Take a look at the goals you set for yourself with work. If you read that and realize you don’t have work goals, that could be another reason you dream about intercourse with your boss.

3. Sex dreams involving your friends

Yeah, that could feel a little awkward when you wake up! Having your bestie play your lover in your sleep would leave anyone looking around confused. But this actually could make more sense than you think. If you recently had a meaningful moment with them, your subconscious is going to process that connection, and a sex dream might pop up because of it. Anything goes in your dreams, so be happy you have such a great friend, and let the sex part go.

4. Dreams with wild sex scenes

Having a kinky sex dream or even just dreaming about a sex scene you haven’t done in real life is completely normal. You’re probably wanting to explore a new element in your sex life. Most likely, you’re bored and want to play around. Lean into that. Dive into a new way to express yourself sexually and have some fun with it! If you’re looking for a good place to start, we’ve put together a beginner’s guide to kinky sex ideas.

5. Giving or receiving oral sex

This one really only goes one of two ways. One is you love yourself some oral. You gave/received great head lately and are just doing it all over again in your dreams. Or you really love thinking about it in general. The second interpretation would be more symbolic. A great conversation with someone can be a slippery slope into an oral sex dream. Everyone loves a good conversation, and most love a good oral sesh. What do these two things have in common? Someone’s mouth.

A sex dream is bound to happen at some point in your life. It’s very common, and dreams about sexual desire don’t mean there is an issue with your sex life. Go with it; interpret sex dreams how you see fit and enjoy them.

We’re also just going to leave this here for the next time you wake up after a sex dream and find yourself ~in the mood~: Click here for our list of 20 creative masturbation ideas for men and women.

Sweet sexy dreams!