How to Prepare for your First-Time Having SexSex Tips
*Record scratch, record scratch*
Like a virgin touched for the very first time
Like a virgin when your heart beats next to mine
Look back at any high school rom-com and there is a sex scene, most likely a “losing your virginity” sex scene. The characters move throughout the screen with the allure of confidence (masking the awkwardness) and come out the other end covered in a perfectly draped sheet.
But let’s get this straight, sex is not like it is in the movies. Especially first-time sex.
Having sex for the first time can be a major source of anxiety for people. With many unanswered questions from “is it too early” to “am I doing this right,” ASTROGLIDE is here to answer the unanswered and ease the nerves you may feel when the time comes.
Spell it out with us now: C-O-N-S-E-N-T
First things first: consent is the sexiest thing to happen in the bedroom. Sex is all about communication – communication before, during and after is important to create a safe environment for all parties involved.
Consent is not a one-size-fits-all for every sexual experience. For example, just because someone gives consent to kissing, that does not automatically entail that consent is given for removing an article of clothing. It is important to note that consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious.
If you are wondering how to ask for consent or how to ensure that consent is maintained throughout a sexual encounter, below are a few suggestions on ways to approach consent with your partner, according to Healthline:
- Can I kiss you?
- Do you want to have sex, or would you like to wait?
- It feels so good when you [fill in the blank], do you want to do this?
- Are you comfortable with me doing this?
- Do you want me to stop?
While we are on the topic of consent and safety, we aren’t here to act a sex ed teacher and explain all the possible outcomes of having sex without condoms, but we will note that practicing safe sex and wrapping it up is always a good thing for multiple reasons like avoiding sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancy.
Are we there yet?
Do you want to avoid the ‘oh, it’s over already’ look from your partner? If so, you’re in the right place because, boy, do we have some tips for you. To start, let’s set expectations straight; in a 2005 study conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine that measured intravaginal ejaculation latency time (that’s a fancy way of saying how long it takes for someone to finish), the median time was 5.4 minutes. That’s only 324 seconds, and you can do anything for 324 seconds (or 325 seconds if you want to say you’re above average).
Don’t skip the appetizer just for the main dish.
Don’t forget about foreplay – seriously, please don’t skip this step. Foreplay plays an important role in the bedroom for many reasons.
- Foreplay helps build arousal in the bedroom and gets both parties in the mood by getting rid of any anxiety surrounding first-time sex. For vulva owners, foreplay is an extremely important step in any sexual encounter because it sends signals to the clitoris, helping the vagina self-lubricate organically in preparation for sex.
- Foreplay can help guarantee that both parties are satisfied, and it draws out the sexual experience, ensuring that your first time isn’t just a quick dip in the pool (if you catch our drift).
- Last but not definitely not least, it feels reallllyyy good. Foreplay can come in many forms, from light touching and kissing to oral sex, each may carry a unique experience in pleasure and help you get in tune with what turns you and your partner on. Foreplay not only helps decrease anxiety before sexual intercourse but may lead to great sex because it the anticipation and buildup of sexual tension.
Now, for the good part.
There are guaranteed ways to last longer in bed, but below are a few tips and tricks (thanks to Men’s Health and yours truly) to guide you in the right direction, whether you’re engaging in penile-vaginal sex, riding solo, or anywhere in-between.
- Switch things up: Instead of picking one position, try alternating between a few different configurations to last longer during sex. Switching positions provides a little bit of “time off” when you’re not being directly stimulated.
- Yeah, I work out: Whether it be a quick run, taking man’s other best friend for a hike, or hitting the gym, just 30 minutes a day is enough to get your blood pumping – including down under. Cardio can lead to stronger erections in men, increased arousal in women, and increased libido.
- Sleep helps: Not getting enough sleep can be more detrimental than you think. Getting 7-8 hours of sleep per night will help keep your brain sharp and your orgasms plentiful.
- Masturbate (we know you want to): Masturbating alone prior to a sexual encounter is a free and simple technique to help fight premature ejaculation.
If you can’t reach a mind-blowing orgasm for the first time, don’t sweat it. With a combination of nerves, excitement, and overthinking, it can be hard to reach the Big O your first (and even second) time having sex. Nothing to worry about, it could just be nerves! Don’t stress if you can’t reach the Big O – it can take time and communication to figure out what works for you.
Lubrication is friend, not foe
Raise your hand if you learned about lube use during sex ed. No one? Not surprising. Sex ed leaves out the good stuff (like lube talk) and isn’t very inclusive of LGBTQ+ students. We aren’t here to re-teach you about the birds and the bees, but we do want you to know that lube is an important part of any sexual experience, regardless of your age, sexuality, or experience level. Don’t be afraid to use personal lubrication products, including organic lubes, as they can enhance your sexual experience if used in the right way.
Think about it like this: you wouldn’t go down a waterslide without water, so why have sex without lube? Lube helps you reduce friction, making sexual activities easier and more enjoyable. To fully educate yourself on how to use lube and learn about the different types of lube, read our guide on how to use personal lubricant.
Can we get to the good stuff already?
We weren’t born yesterday; we know why you’re here. You want to know what it’s REALLY like to have sex for the first time, including positions, sexy phrases, and the follow-up. Well strap up and strap in because we will lay it all out for you.
Positions to start with
First-time sex can present its challenges, especially when engaging in the more complicated positions. Don’t feel any pressure to perform an acrobatic act with your legs facing one way, arms facing another, all while upside down and tied up. Start with these positions when engaging in vaginal-penile sex, courtesy of Bustle, to get into the rhythm of things.
- Missionary: Start by lying on your back in the traditional missionary position. Then have your partner move their hips higher up the bed while you wrap your legs around them for deeper penetration. Or, pull your legs back towards yourself, if you’re able to.
- Face-to-face: Lie on your sides and face each other, then move slightly higher up on the bed — so your hips are above your partner’s. Wrap your top leg around them and guide them inside of you or grind against them. And don’t hesitate to add lots of lube.
- On Top: Have your partner sit up and lean back against the headboard or a couch while you straddle them and lower down. For even more closeness, they can bend their knees so they’re helping prop you up, so you don’t have to do a ton of work.
- Doggy: Prop yourself up on your hands and knees and spread your legs so your partner can kneel behind you. You may need to move your legs further apart or closer together, depending on your height differences, so don’t be afraid to adjust.
Sexy phrases when you feel the silence coming
Let’s start off by saying that there doesn’t need to be constant talking during sex. Sounds that occur naturally during sex – moans, groans, and body-on-body sounds – can often create more sexual tension than a word or phrase. But if you do want to experiment with dirty talk, here are a few things to say when you are feeling hot and heavy. (P.S. there is no ‘right way’ to dirty talk – make it your own and ask your partner what they like).
- I want you all over me right now
- It feels so good to have your body on mine
- How does it feel when I touch you right there?
- I’m so horny right now I can’t take it
After having sex for the first time, you may be feeling emotions that you’ve never experienced before – that’s okay! Sex is an emotional part of life, so it’s only normal that you may be experiencing a whirlwind of emotions that you don’t recognize.
Check in with yourself after to see how you feel. Did it feel good? What would you change for next time? Do you feel comfortable talking to your partner about the experience? Let yourself feel all the feels because hey, you’re only human! Be honest with your partner because that’s the best way to enhance the experience next time. And who knows, all the talking may even lead to a round two!
Cum One, Cum All
While the warm-up and cool-down may be similar for hetero and LGBTQ+ sex, we are here to guide everyone through their first-time sex experiences.
All Things Lesbian Sex
Whether you’ve known from day one that your first sexual encounter would be with a woman or you’re bisexual and are curious we have some ways to enhance your first-time experience. Below are three tips for your first time having lesbian sex.
- Get in touch with your own body: While every woman is different, the best way to learn how to please a woman is to start with yourself.
- Don’t be afraid to be picky: Regardless of whether it’s your first time having sex or sex with another vulva owner, the decision to have sex with a woman is a big step in your sexual journey.
- Communicate your needs, desires, and fears with your partner: Just like with heterosexual sex, lesbian sex is all about strong communication and consent — and this goes double for your first time.
How to Achieve the Ultimate Orgasm
Experiencing your first orgasm is a beautiful thing and we want to help you achieve it. Orgasmic function can be different for the LGBTQ+ community, so our very own Dr. Josh has outlined some tips to reach orgasm for the LGBTQ+ community.
- Know your anatomy: Our bodies are full of erogenous zones. Sex involves more than just our genitals. Relevant anatomy includes the lips, neck, breasts, nipples, labia, clitoris, penis, testicles vestibule, vagina, cervix, uterus, anus, and rectum, just to name a few. Different people can experience pleasure and orgasm from stimulation of any or all of these areas.
- Practice makes perfect: Orgasm isn’t always easy and can take practice. Once you’ve made yourself familiar with your body, figure out which areas feel best when touched or probed. Masturbation is a way for you to figure out what you like so that you can communicate your needs and desires to your partner.
- Add some flare: Incorporating sexual toys and lubricants can definitely level up your orgasms. Vibrating toys can increase sensitivity and allow stimulation of anatomical parts not being tended to by your partner.
Don’t Forget About Anal Sex
Anal sex has long been considered a taboo topic, but we are here for the inquiring minds who want to learn more. Losing your anal sex virginity can be daunting, especially if you aren’t familiar with how to best approach the area. It’s important to prepare for your first time having anal sex, so you know what to expect. One of the biggest tips we can give you is to USE LUBE. There is never enough. Really, if you think you have enough, you could probably use some more. Consider using a toy-friendly lube for your first time, it will make all the difference.
The Grand Finale
The big show has come to an end – the show being sex – and now you know what all the hype is about. Feels pretty good, right? Just one final reminder for the people in the back: only do as much as you are comfortable with. If at any time you decide that you want to stop, that’s okay. Stay safe, stay sexy and stay lubed up.