Why Men Should Watch Lesbian Porn

By ASTROGLIDE Team

Did you know that the term “lesbian” was the most searched term on Pornhub in 2019 in the United States? The notion that men like to watch women kiss is so common that it’s kind of a cultural touchstone. If you watched the show Friends, you know that Chandler and Joey even give up their apartment (their New York City apartment!) for the chance to watch Rachel and Monica—two of their straight female friends—kiss for one minute.

So that got us thinking, is there something positive that men can gain from watching women have sex? In this blog, we’ll provide our take on what we think heterosexual men can learn from watching lesbian porn, along with a few caveats and things to keep in mind.

First however, we want to start by saying that just as every human is different, so are their desires, and we are in no way trying to speak for all straight men or all lesbian women. It’s also important to note that we know gender and sexual identity are fluid, and we are speaking to ‘straight male’ and ‘lesbian woman’ by definition as it relates to lesbian porn.

What is ‘real’ lesbian porn?

First off, it’s important to note that there are obviously different types of lesbian porn, and while the porn may portray a true lesbian dynamic, it’s historically been manufactured to cater to straight men and the stereotypical ‘lesbian fantasy’ they’re taught to desire. ASTROGLIDE’s Sex Researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller says on his blog that:

Most of the porn that features women having sex is produced by men for men, and this kind of porn is blatantly obvious because it focuses on imagery and activities that appeal primarily to heterosexual men’s fantasies. For example, these videos typically feature highly feminine women who have bodies that conform to men’s ideals (i.e., young, skinny, shaved, and big chested) and they engage in sexual activities that revolve around vaginal and oral penetration with dildos and strap-ons [1].

Contrary to what you, and male viewers in general, may see in this type of lesbian porn, lesbians’ bodies obviously come in all sizes, and their bodily ideals don’t necessarily have to fit into the ‘highly feminine’ stereotype that straight men typically view in porn.

Similarly, it’s often portrayed in lesbian porn that strap-ons and scissoring are the main events. Dr. Justin Lehmiller touches on this topic as well to say that:

A recent study found that vaginal penetration with sex toys is something that just 16% of lesbian and bisexual women say that they do often [2]… Over 1,200 lesbian and bisexual women who were asked about their sexual practices, and genital-genital touching was something that 50% of the sample said that they did often. However, even larger percentages said that they often practiced oral sex (72%), vaginal penetration with fingers (84%), and mutual masturbation (71%) with their female partners.

We’re not saying that strap-ons or scissoring aren’t realistic or desired by lesbian women, but the data suggests there is much more to lesbian sex than that, and these other more common sexual practices are not often portrayed in lesbian porn. All of this is to say that, like any type of sex, there’s more to it than what you may see in a porn video.

What can heterosexual men learn from ‘real’ lesbian porn?

Simply put, straight men can learn from lesbian porn. It’s a fact that straight women have fewer orgasms than their bisexual and lesbian counterparts, according to a study that surveyed 52,600 people in the U.S. to explore the orgasm gap between the genders and different sexual orientations. And who are straight women having sex with? Straight men. We’re not saying men are completely at fault, just that watching ‘real’ lesbian porn could potentially give them a new way to glimpse into real female pleasure.

A few takeaways that heterosexual men can learn from ‘real’ lesbian porn include, but are not limited to:

• There is more to sex than penis-vagina penetration
• Getting a woman to orgasm can be done in different ways, through different body parts
• Sex should be mutual and reciprocated, with the goal of all people involved orgasming
• Sex that is soft and sensual can be just as pleasurable, if not more, for both straight and lesbian women

Every woman and their pleasure are different, but ‘real’ lesbian porn can show various ways that women can enjoy sex, which can be beneficial to all. To get further into this, a science-based, deep dive into women’s orgasms and pleasure can be found here.

Is it ‘bad’ for men to watch lesbian porn?

Watching porn catered to your own sexual desires is almost never ‘bad.’ For many people (including male viewers), porn represents a fantasy, and someone’s taste in porn doesn’t have to line up with their real-life sexual orientations. As long as it turns you on (and isn’t exploitive or nonconsensual), then watch what you like!

If you identify as a straight man and you like to watch lesbian porn, it’s just important to remember that you are watching a produced scene, and a porn video is not always an accurate representation of all lesbian women, in the many ways we touched on above. And no matter what type of porn you like to watch, we recommend always using ethical porn sites, such as afterglow, an ethical porn platform made by women.

Why do even some straight women like to watch lesbian sex?

It’s not just straight men who are watching lesbian porn! Lesbian porn is often more female-friendly than the typical heterosexual porn that’s catered to male fantasies and is popular even with straight women. According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller:

Lesbian porn isn’t just popular among men—it has also become the most-viewed category among women! This could be due to the fact that women tend to be more sexually fluid than men. Consider this: research has found that, among persons who identify as heterosexual, women are more likely than men to report having experienced same-sex attraction and having masturbated to same-sex fantasies.

[Further,] 59% of women who identify as exclusively straight say they’ve had a same-sex fantasy compared to 26% of straight men who report the same. That said, it’s also possible that women like lesbian porn for the same reasons they tend to like gay male porn: perhaps the actors seem to be enjoying the sex more, the pleasure appears more genuine, and/or the production value and plotlines are better.

Straight women are looking for porn that appeals to their wants and desires, and since heterosexual porn doesn’t always address what they actually desire, it makes sense that they’d look elsewhere.

Watching porn with your partner

Since we can conclude that watching lesbian porn is something that people of any gender or sexual identity might be attracted to, should you watch it with your partner?

A study showed that around 50% of people have watched porn as a couple, so the idea is not far-fetched. However, if you and your partner do decide to watch porn together, it’s a good idea to get on the same page about what kind of porn would be enjoyable for both of you, whether that be lesbian porn or something else.

While porn may forever be connected to a number of social evils depending on who you talk to, there are proven upsides to consuming porn alone or as a couple, according to ASTROGLIDE’s Resident Sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly, including:

• Porn can help put you in the mood: Getting in the mood for sex is often the hardest part, and there is nothing wrong with using porn as an aid to facilitate the process. In fact, nearly half of happily married couples report sharing this healthy habit, and research suggests that they report higher levels of commitment and intimacy.
• Porn can inspire you to explore your own fantasies: As you watch porn with a partner or alone, erotic videos can help you to acknowledge your limitations, identify your turn-offs and explore the turn-ons that you never knew you had.
• Porn can open the lines of communication: Watching an explicit video with your significant other can be both awkward and exciting, but it’s the balance of these conflicting emotions that can inspire the most meaningful conversations. Sharing the details with your partner about what turned you on will only enhance your sex life as you continue to learn about one another’s unique desires.
• Porn can be sexually empowering: Sometimes, life can get a little monotonous. Porn can help rekindle the flame in your relationship and remind you that it’s okay to fantasize and indulge a little.

In conclusion, we think men can learn a lot about female pleasure outside of the porn historically catered to heterosexual men. We hope this answered your questions about men watching lesbian porn (and so much more!). Happy viewing!

[1] Morrison, T. G., & Tallack, D. (2005). Lesbian and bisexual women’s interpretations of lesbian and ersatz lesbian pornography. Sexuality and Culture, 9, 3-30

[2] Bailey, J. V., Farquhar, C., Owen, C., & Whittaker, D. (2003). Sexual behaviour of lesbians and bisexual women. Sexually Transmitted Infections, 79, 147-150