Tips for Happy (and Horny) Holidays

By Dr. Jess Holidays Couple exchanging gifts

The holidays are just around the corner and for many that means more food, fun, and festivities. But for some, holiday cheer is easily overshadowed by the pressures of hosting, cooking, shopping, and trying to find time to connect with loved ones near and far. Unfortunately, this added stress can take a toll on your intimate relationships — in and out of the bedroom.  

But fret not! We’ve got some strategies up our sleeves to help you have a happy and harmonious holiday season — along with a few happy endings.  

We’ve made the list, so we’ll leave it to you to check it twice and add a few of these items to your naughty and nice holiday list (or better yet, simply add them as reminders in your calendar).  

Family Gathering

1. Plan ahead and talk about holiday expectations 

The more you plan, the more prepared you’ll be, so start talking about your values, boundaries, and feelings now using some of these prompts to guide you: 

How do you feel about the holidays? How do you want to feel over the holidays? 
What are you most looking forward to?
What challenges or sources of stress do you face over the holidays?
How do you want to spend your time? 
Have you thought about finances and how much money you/we spend?
What can we do to support one another?
How do we want to make this holiday season different (and hopefully more love-filled) than previous holiday seasons?

2. Carve out coupled time before you start your day  

Holiday schedules can be hectic and it’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle, so consider setting your alarm 5-10 minutes early so you have time to physically connect. Start your day with a moment of gratitude or breathe in sync in a spooning position to foster closeness, presence, and connection.

3. Sneak Around 

Carry a mistletoe in your pocket and pull it out whenever you or your partner could use a moment of connection or relaxation. Sneak off into the hallway for a quick kiss or pull them into the closet for a minute make-out session. 

Of course, you don’t have to make it all about sex, but if the mood strikes you, consider these sneaky sex positions for small spaces:

Leg Up Lovers: Stand facing one another. One partner lifts their leg and places their foot on the edge of a stool, shelf, or chair, and the other slides inside from below. This position offers the intensity of eye contact plus full-body contact, so be sure to allow your hands to wander.

Standing Pups: One of you leans against the wall for support (facing the wall) and the other approaches from behind. This is a practical position that can be enjoyed in a small shower stall or tub and it creates the opportunity to whisper in your lover’s ear from behind. 

Royalty: One of you sits on a counter or other raised surface and the other goes down between their legs. You can use your tongue, lips, hands or a quiet toy to play in this position and take turns teasing one another.

And while you’re sneaking around, you’ll want some lube on-hand, of course. Be sure to pack a small bottle in your overnight kit or order a free sample of something new (like Quiver) from 

4. Talk about gift-giving. 

The way we feel about giving and receiving gifts can be highly personal. It may be tied to values regarding expressions of love, family expectations, childhood memories, and more. It’s no surprise that couples (and friends and family) often fight about gift-giving, but it need not be so.

If you’re not into gift-giving and someone you love is, consider what a thoughtful gift means to them. The enjoyment of receiving gifts isn’t a sign of materialism or greed — in fact, receiving gifts is considered one of the love languages” alongside quality time, words of affirmation, physical affection, and acts of service. Some people feel most loved when they receive a gift, so rather than focusing on buying gifts as a chore, focus on how your gift might make someone else feel. 

If you love receiving gifts and want to tell your partner (or another loved one), start with how gifts make you feel. Plan ahead and help them out by letting them know what you’d like by creating a shortlist of items or selecting a theme.

You don’t have to be on the same page when it comes to gift-giving as long as you communicate your desires, feelings, and expectations and remain open to listening to others’ perspectives.

Holiday sex positions

5. Try Quiet Sex 

If you’re visiting family or hosting house guests this season, there is no need to put pleasure on the backburner. Instead, try one of these quiet sex positions:

Three Silent Spoons – You both lie in the spooning position with a third spoon: a pillow that you can use to muffle your sounds. Relish in the intimacy of full-body skin-to-skin contact while you snuggle one another and the pillow. 

Silent SwansSit facing one another on the bed and shimmy together until you can rub, grind, caress, penetrate or engage in any other sexual activity that gets you off. Use facial expressions to silently convey your desires and excitement and maintain eye contact for heightened intimacy. This position is ideal for those who enjoy both internal and external stimulation as you’ll have easy access to all of your hottest spots with your hands.

Standing shower: If you’re looking for privacy, look no further than the bathroom, as it’s sure to have a lock on the door. While playing together in the shower take advantage of the texture of the running water as well as its capacity to drown out your sounds along with any distracting noises from the rest of the house.  

And don’t forget the silicone lube, which will stay slippery even in the shower stall or tub!

6. Get active 

Days spent lounging by the fireplace and late nights of eating and drinking can catch up to us — in terms of mood, sleep habits, energy levels, libido, and more. If you derive pleasure from movement and fitness, be sure to set some time aside to stay active.

You might suggest a winter walk with friends instead of holiday drinks or plan to go sledding with family after brunch. 

If you’re lucky enough to live in a sunny state, suggest hikes instead of lunches or split the difference and consider walking home after dinner.  

7. Hide your good vibes… 

…in your underwear. Buy yourselves an early present that you can wear to dinner, a cocktail party, or a work event.  

The discreet We-Vibe Moxie fits sleekly into your underwear to vibrate externally against your clitoris and is held in place by a tiny magnet. Give your partner the reins of control via the We-Connect app and let them rile you up long before you hit the sheets.

If you prefer internal stimulation, check out the whisper-quiet Lovehoney Remote Control Love Egg with 8 patterns of waves and pulses and 12 levels of intensity. Every party will pale in comparison to the one(s) you attend with your hidden vibe. 

8. Learn something new!  

Rather than wrapping a gift for your lover, wrap your hands around their hottest spots for some very happy endings.

You might try The Goddess hand-job technique: use two hands with fingers interlaced and lots of lube to stroke from base to tip. Add extra pressure at the base and a little twist at the top to take it to the next level.

Or you might try The Pocket: place the palm of your hand on their Venus Mound and fold all of your fingers down over their lips. Start with a gentle touch and slow grinding and increase the pressure and speed as their arousal builds.  

For extra happy endings for the penis, apply pressure to the Million Dollar Mark just behind the balls along the perineum (the stretch of skin between the scrotum and the bum). Press and release with your index and middle finger to stimulate the highly sensitive internal bulb of the penis and intensify every orgasmic contraction. 

And for the clitoris, combine rolling at the top with suction at the bottom for the ultimate indulgence: use your index finger or thumb (with lots of lube!) to draw circles all around the head of the clitoris while working the lips down below with your tongue — slide your tongue right inside while sucking, slurping and using the tip of your nose for extra pressure.  

However you celebrate, we wish you a very happy holiday season — in and out of the bedroom!