Talk Dirty to Me: The Complete Guide to Talking Dirty

By ASTROGLIDE Team Relationships

You freeze. Your palms start to sweat. Your mind races through a thousand un-sexy possibilities and, after what seems like an eternity of stuttering, your brain decides to combine “lick me” with “do me,” and you practically scream “dick me!” right into your partner’s face.

Yikes. Is there anything worse than when dirty talk turns bad? The right words whispered by candlelight can make your skin feel like it’s being licked by flames, but all it takes is a single cringy sentence (or even word) to completely kill the mood.

Knowing how to talk dirty during sex isn’t easy, but with this guide and a little practice, anyone can become a pro.

Does the Best Sex Start with Talking Dirty?

According to Medical Daily, dirty talk helps awaken that dirty mind of yours. “The brain is considered a more powerful sexual organ than even male and female genitalia because it’s where the sex drive stems from. The right amount of dirty talk will excite the mind.”

“A 2012 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found the more comfortable we are talking about sex, the more satisfactory our sex lives will become. According to the researchers, even the slightest anxiety about communication affected whether partners were communicating or not. It also directly affected their satisfaction. Those who did communicate during sex were more likely to experience sexual satisfaction. In other words, engaging in a dialogue that feels good with our partner can heighten the sexual experience.”

“Talking dirty is another way to arouse yourself and your partner. It can also help you discover what turns them on,” says Naturopathic Doctor Dr. Serena Goldstein. “If they enjoy a certain sex act or motion, you can verbalize and/or encourage them on how much they really like that, so now they’re experiencing the act both mentally and physically.” Sex talk is also a great way to engage in foreplay to build that sexual tension and enhance sexual pleasure.

In other words, learning how to talk dirty during sex (and before sex and, well, anytime) can lead to a better sex life and better relationships overall. It sounds like a win-win to us!

How to Start Talking Dirty

Make sure they’re into erotic talk.

When it comes to dirty talk, proceed with caution — not everyone is into it, and those who aren’t can be majorly turned off by it. How can you tell if dirty talk is a good idea? “The best indicator that your dirty talk is appreciated is when you get dirty talk back,” says Sexpert and Founder of the site Scott Brown.

how to talk dirty

“For example, if you say, ‘I love being in your pussy,’ and she responds with ‘I love your dick inside me,’ you can rest assured that you’re on the right track. Even if you’re getting no verbal response, usually there will be subconscious responses: moaning or body language changes. Pay attention to your sexual partner and see what hits and what doesn’t. To make things as straightforward as possible, if your partner is giving you dirty talk, give them dirty talk back!”

Talking dirty can be very helpful in long-distance relationships to keep the intimacy alive. Build some sexual tension by saying sexual things to each other. Or, try engaging in phone sex for added sexual pleasure.

Introduce dirty talk into your relationship.

The best way to start talking dirty? “Just try it out,” says Brown. “In the middle of sex, say something really nice, but dirty. For example ‘Your body gets me so hard,’ is a good one. The female version of this is ‘Your body makes me so wet.’ I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like those things to be said to them during sex.”

“As you get more confident and comfortable with what you’re saying, try new things. Maybe one time you’ll say something bad — it’s not the end of the world. As long as you’re not so over-the-line that it becomes ridiculous along the lines of ‘Yeah, you suck that dick you filthy scum’ or something, you’ll be fine.”

How to Talk Dirty: What to Say

Keep sexy talk positive.

“You should always keep your tone positive,” says Brown. “Unless you have had a clear discussion with your partner that they are OK with things going into the negative/degradation space.”

“For example, saying something like, ‘You like that? You’re such a dirty girl,’ is dirty, but positive. But that statement could easily be moved into a more negative place when you say things like ‘You like that? You’re such a dirty whore.’ You’re essentially saying the same thing but you’re pushing it to a new limit that may or may not be where your partner wants to go. Lots of people do like humiliation and being humiliated, but don’t assume that’s the case for your partner. Always ask your partner what kind of sex talk they prefer. And if you haven’t asked, assume that they DON’T like humiliation.”

Don’t try to clean it up.

“Remember that dirty talk is supposed to be dirty,” says Brown. “If you try to make it clean, it becomes comical. ‘Your ass looks so good bouncing on my cock” is hot, but “Your buttocks looks so good bouncing on my genitals’ is stupid. Keep it dirty!”

Don’t wait until you’re in bed.

“Talking dirty doesn’t have to always involve slang words about body parts or graphic detail, it can also be a random ‘I want you so bad’ text message when they least expect it, or something else to set the mood for later,” says Goldstein. We have many tips for sexting if you need ideas on what to say.


Adapt your dirty talk to your partner.

What to say during sex and what to do during sex both have a lot to do with your partner and what they’re into. Remember that the same “lines” don’t work on everyone. For example, calling your last partner “Daddy” might have made him instantly hard, but your new beau might think of it as boner kryptonite. So, don’t be afraid to adapt and evolve your sexy talk to fit your current partner.

Put your thesaurus away.

A high school research paper is a great place to show off your extended vocabulary — the bedroom, however, is not. Unless you want to sound like a failed romance novel writer when talking dirty, don’t mention a “swollen member” or “engorged mammaries.” And science has actually proven that 20% of the population HATES the word “moist,” so keep that one out of your repertoire.

things to say during sex

Keep erotic talk general.

Often when it comes to talking dirty, the more general you can be, the better. This is especially true when you’re talking about your partner’s body. You may love their big butt or thick thighs, but the features you love may be the exact things they’re insecure about — and reminding them is one surefire way to kill the mood. So instead of talking about size and shape, keep it general and say something like, “I love touching your body.”

Dirty Phrases to Say During Sex

Not sure what to say during sex? Try some of these lines:

Before Sex

  • I need you right now.
  • I can’t wait to have you inside me / I can’t wait to be inside you.
  • I want to taste you.
  • I wish we were alone… the things I want to do to you!
  • Just wait until we get home…
  • Guess what I’m wearing under these clothes.
  • Tonight I want you to dominate me.
  • I’m going to tie you up when we get home.
  • I’m so hard/wet right now.
  • Just looking at you makes me horny.

During Sex

  • Don’t stop.
  • Deeper!
  • Harder!
  • I want to make you cum.
  • I love your body.
  • You feel so good.
  • No one makes me feel like you do.
  • I want you to beg for it.
  • Pull my hair.
  • Spank me.
  • You’ve been a naughty girl/boy.
  • I love how hard/wet you are.
  • You like that don’t you?

After Sex

  • That was amazing.
  • You made me orgasm so hard!
  • I wish we could do this every night.
  • I keep daydreaming about last night.
  • I can still taste you / feel you inside me.
  • I’m ready for round two when you are!

If you want to know how to talk dirty before, during, and after sex and have absolutely no idea where to start, Brown recommends watching porn to get ideas. “Porn stars, both male and female, say all kinds of filthy things during scenes. Watch some porn and if someone says something you think is good, just lift that line and say it during your next sexual encounter. The chances of your partner knowing you’re not using original material are pretty much nil.”

It’s Okay to Be Nervous

If you don’t have a ton of experience with talking dirty, it’s completely normal to feel a little anxious or silly. But don’t let that anxiety stop you from pushing your boundaries a little bit — being brave and trying dirty talk might just result in the best sex of your life! And if something completely ridiculous comes out of your mouth, just laugh about it and keep going!

Then tweet us @ASTROGLIDE and tell us, what dirty talk phrase never fails to turn you on?

Images are for illustrative purposes only.