MILFs: The Who, Why and HowSex Tips
MILF. Mom I’d Like to…we’ll let you fill in the blank. We know them, we love them, we want to be with one (or be one). For anyone unfamiliar with the answer to “What is a MILF?” it typically refers to older women with a sexual aura around them. This doesn’t mean that they are necessarily sexual (think Lois Griffin), but they have a sexual exuberance to them that is undeniable (think Lorelai Gilmore). The common denominator of these attractive older women is that they’re mothers. These hot moms usually garner the attention of younger men and teenage boys (cue the OG MILF, Stifler’s mom from American Pie).
If there’s one thing that we’re sure of, it’s that the world is full of MILFs, and they deserve proper recognition. They are all around us if you pay attention: in TV shows, movies, animated games, your local grocery store, trotting down the street in their walking groups – need we go on? That’s why we’re going to bring you into the wonderful world of MILFs. The good, the naughty, the sexy.
The MILF: An All-American Obsession
Our fascination (and full-on obsession) with attractive older women isn’t a new phenomenon. Relationships between younger men and older women have been around for as long as time exists, and those couples might be onto something. Relationships between younger men and older women have been proven to lead to higher relationship satisfaction. Believe it or not, it’s based on science.
A study of nearly 9,000 households over a 13-year period evaluated the marital satisfaction of differently aged couples: “In terms of marital happiness, older women paired with younger men are generally more satisfied with their marriages than younger women paired with older men.” So, we’re actually onto something here. Again, it’s science.
Not only that, but according to Match, more than 80% of women say they’re interested in dating younger men (defined as a decade+ younger), and 90% of men said they wouldn’t rule out dating someone ten years older. Knowing this, our fascination with attractive older women makes more sense. Younger men are seeking out relationships with older women at higher rates than before. Our love for Stifler’s mom seems to remain strong and top of mind for younger generations.
So, what are the added benefits?
According to Dr. Jess O’Reilly, our Resident Sexologist, “There are some benefits of a large age gap; you likely have separate social circles, which can result in greater social support and independence.” She also believes that large age gaps can help to reinforce the reality that one partner cannot meet 100% of your needs. Some couples report that they appreciate having the benefit of both experience and innovation, as well as the vigor of youth and the sensibility of age. Not only that, but an age gap in relationships likely brings different experiences to the table and can draw from both sides.
With benefits come some challenges. These may include:
If you’re considering getting married to an older woman, the risk of divorce increases with an age gap. One study suggests that a five-year age gap statistically means that you are 18 percent more likely to divorce (versus just 3 percent with a 1-year age difference), and that rate rises to 39 percent for a 10-year age difference.”
The good thing is that with challenges come solutions. Here are a few tips for overcoming the barriers that come with age gaps in relationships, from Dr. Jess:
Understand that you don’t have to address questions from friends, family, or strangers: It’s none of their business. If they try to interfere (and won’t listen to reason), perhaps you should offer them a taste of their own medicine. Consider power dynamics and the way they can impact the younger (usually less advantaged) party: You need to consider ethical issues in all relationships and check your power — whether that power is related to age, income, gender, social status, or access to resources, being mindful of your privilege will always lead to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Acknowledge the lifestyle shifts that come with age: Sleep, energy levels, hormonal shifts, and work responsibilities all play a role. Kids, of course, can be the primary bone of contention. (If you’re 28 and you’re dating a 50-year-old mother, your expectations with regard to childbearing and parenting may differ significantly.)
Becoming a MILF
If we’re being honest with each other, some part of you is probably reading this blog to pick up a few tips and tricks for becoming a yummy mummy of your own. No judgment – that’s why we’re writing this blog in the first place. This four-step plan, which is not FDA-approved, is your ticket into MILF-hood.
Step 1: Have a child.
Step 2: Embrace your sexuality.
Step 3: Be confident.
Step 4: Shake what your momma gave you.
If you dream it, you can be it. How easy is that?!
The Realities of MILF-hood
All jokes aside, being a MILF may mean that you’re a bit older, and being a bit older means you may be experiencing vaginal dryness of sorts. It’s the unfortunate reality of life, but there are ways to treat it. We want to equip you with the knowledge so you’re well-prepared shall the day ever arrive.
If you’re experiencing vaginal dryness because of menopause, or if you are simply curious about your vaginal health during that period, you’re not alone. According to The Cleveland Clinic, “around 17% of people assigned female at birth (AFAB) age 18 to 50 report problems with vaginal dryness during sex, even before menopause takes place. And over half [of AFAB] experience vaginal dryness after menopause.” So, it’s completely normal.
There are ways to remedy the pain and discomfort that you are experiencing, but patience is key. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, so consulting your doctor can be helpful. Even though there is no sure-fire way to treat vaginal dryness, consider the following after consulting a medical professional:
Medication: Medications for vaginal dryness exist and may be the right solution for you. These include creams, orally ingested medicines, vaginal suppositories, and more.
Lubricate, lubricate, lubricate: Lubrication during sex is essential to avoid further irritation and damage to the vagina. Consider a moisturizer or lubricant to ease the discomfort.
Stimulation: You heard us right – frequent stimulation can help alleviate some vaginal dryness. It’s the best excuse to have sex regularly!
It may surprise you to hear that older moms are not the only ones to experience vaginal dryness – new mothers can, too. From our blog on the 9 Causes of Vaginal Dryness, “while you’re nursing, your body produces less of the hormone estrogen, which throws off your estrogen level and can cause the tissues in your vagina to be thinner and drier than usual. The good news is that things should get back to normal hormone levels after you wean your baby. Until then, you can use a water-based vaginal lubricant.
What if you’re not breastfeeding but still experience vaginal dryness after giving birth? This could be a temporary hormonal imbalance that your body will regulate on its own. But if you’re concerned or the symptoms persist, ask your doctor for their advice.
Sex after kids
For anyone entering an age-gapped relationship, we can’t deny that sex is top of mind – this is a blog about MILFs (Mom I’d Like To…you get it) after all. For the eight things every couple needs to know for sex after childbirth, look no further. Without getting into too many specifics (you can read our blog for that), here are some things to be mindful of:
Your breasts might leak.
Sex can be painful.
It might not feel right.
You will feel self-conscious.
You should use birth control.
You need to find the time for sex.
You need to get some rest.
Your hormones will take time to even out.
For more expert-approved ways to get frisky in the bedroom after having kids, Motherly has 10 tips to consider:
Create rituals that foster physical connection.
Spend time alone together.
Communicate openly and often.
Share your sex number.
Remember that relationships change.
Focus on you.
Put pleasure on your shared calendar.
Create space for alone time.
Try to make sleep a priority.
Seek out support.
There are plenty more ways to foster a great sex life post-kid, but these are a great place to start! Sex will always be an integral part of relationships and it shouldn’t end just because you had a kid. Work sex into your routine and make sure it’s an ongoing priority. After all, what is life all about if not sex?!
But, what about DILFs?
We’re to answer the question, “What is a MILF?”. Enough said.