How to Seduce Your Lover in the Bedroom and Beyond

By Dr. Jess Sex Tips how to seduce your lover

Seduction can be the hottest and most exciting part of sex. After all, building anticipation and desire results in an eruption of chemical responses in the brain and body.

But it can also be the most challenging part of sex. Even in long-term relationships, seducing a lover can feel awkward and intimidating. And it makes sense because the transition from your daily routine to a sexual encounter doesn’t always flow smoothly. We’re often held back by the fear of rejection or overthinking in the context of our busy lifestyles.

But it need not be so! You can become a master seducer, both in and out of the bedroom by experimenting with some of the seduction techniques below.

Remember that seduction is about teasing, pleasing and enticing — all in the absence of pressure. It ought always to be underscored by consent and free from coercion regardless of the type of relationship.

As you read through the strategies below, think about which appeal to you and which might appeal to your lover. After all, seduction and the buildup of sexual tension is a two-way street…

how to seduce your lover

Begin with emotional seduction.

We’ve covered the erotic-emotional connection in the past, but let’s get more specific when it comes to seduction: How does your lover need to feel in order to get into the mood for sex?

Do they need to feel sexy? If so, let them know how badly you want them. Seduce them with your words: I want you and nothing else will do.

Do they tend to get in the mood when they’re relaxed? Facilitate this relaxation by setting the scene. Clean up the room, lower the lights, play music that lulls them into a state of relaxation, and/or caress their forehead. Or steal a few of their regular chores and responsibilities so that they have more time to rest and recover. Seduction need not be verbal or physical — practical favors and interactions are also essential to seduction.

Do they tend to get in the mood when they’re feeling powerful? If so, play music that boosts their mood, shower them in compliments, celebrate every milestone, and create opportunities for them to take control.

Explore their seduction-learning style.

Sexologist Marla Renee Stewart created this framework to explain the link between our learning styles and our erotic styles.

“Research suggests that we learn through three predominant means: sight, sound, and touch. You may be a visual learner, an auditory learner, or a kinesthetic or tactile learner,” explains Stewart. “The same applies to sex and seduction, so understanding their primary style can help you seduce them with confidence and finesse.”

whisper sexy things in ear

For example, if your partner is an auditory learner, seduce them with sound:

• Whisper something simple in their ear in public or even at the dinner table. You’re so hot. I’ve been thinking about you all day.
• Text them sound clips of sex or sexy sounds. Bijoux Indiscrets has a library of sex sounds at if you are not comfortable making your own. Talk dirty and tell them all the thoughts you savor when you think about them.
• If you struggle with dirty talk, read them a few lines from an erotic story either in person or on the phone. You can also make a recording of an erotic story as a special treat.

sexy touch

If they’re more of a kinesthetic learner, seduce them with touch:
• Wiggle your way into them as the big or small spoon and cuddle while they’re reading or watching a show.
• Give them a one-minute massage (hand, scalp, calves, feet, or shoulders) to start their day, and feel free to do it in the nude.
• Slip them the tongue when they are just expecting a peck and then lock eyes for a moment before you walk away and leave them wanting more.
• Tease them when they are busy. Fondle them for just a few seconds while they are on a call or give them a naughty squeeze before they walk out the door.

take a sexy pic

And if they’re more of a visual learner, let their imagination run wild:

● Send a sexy text with a close-up shot of your favorite body part that is unclear, so that they have to decipher it with a bit of creativity.
● Throw on sexy lingerie, pull out your favorite sex toy and lube and wait for them to walk in while you’re playing with yourself.
● Tell them about something you saw that turned you on and make sure you share your desire in vivid detail.

Stewart offers the reminder: “Of course, most of us learn via multiple styles and these categories offer a limited scope as some folks cannot see, hear or touch. However, it can be helpful to approach seduction — for yourself and for your lover(s) through the lens of seduction styles in reference to learning styles.”

Plant sex seeds.

This is all about the timing of your seduction and, generally speaking, the long game is your friend.

“Regardless of your lover’s seduction learning style, you can entice and enchant them by planting a sex seed,” Stewart adds. Sex seeds are playful and erotic clues about what is to come in a future sexual experience. The foreplay before the foreplay, if you will.

They can be planted in the morning if you want to get busy at night. Or plant them throughout the week before you meet.

To plant seeds that will grow, consider which erotic activities appeal to your lover and which will increase their sexual desire. Do they like romantic sex? Do they love to be filmed? Are they into public sex? Do they like to watch? Set the tone accordingly.

For example, if your partner likes to be tied up, leave a bondage prop in their car or send them a photo in the middle of the day. Throughout the day (or week), fertilize the sex seed by leaving additional clues. Planting seeds of seduction is one of the best ways to weave in eroticism throughout your day-to-day interactions and still be playful when you’re busy or distracted.

How do you want to be seduced? Feel free to share your thoughts below. We’d love to hear from you!