What Women Want In Bed — According to Science
By Dr. Jess
Sexual Health
Check out some of the science-based findings regarding what women want in bed below!
Women Want More Kisses
Research suggests that women use kisses to evaluate potential lovers, deepen bonds and gauge the state of the relationship or a person– men also see kissing as a barometer of compatibility but are more likely to see a kiss as means to initiate sexual intercourse.
Though these gender-based differences are not universal, many of the women I work with say they’re aching to be kissed more by their partners.
Try kissing your lover slowly and gently on the lips, breathing warm kisses along the nape of her neck or tracing your wet tongue inside on her inner thigh to make kissing a regular part of your erotic repertoire.
Women Want Sexual Variety
Research shows that engaging in a variety of sexual activities is positively correlated with orgasms and sexual pleasure, so don’t get stuck in the P-V (penile-vaginal) rut.
Use your hands, fingers, tongue, lips, sex toys, feathers and words to rile her into arousal and sexual frenzy, bearing in mind that penetration is not necessarily the ultimate form of pleasure.
Women (Sometimes) Want Dominance and Submission
Fantasies related to dominance and submission are common, with 65% of women reporting that they’ve fantasized about being dominated and 47% reporting fantasies related to dominating a sexual partner.
If you’re new to D/s play, start with dirty talk (I want you to do *exactly* as I say) and consider experimenting with gentle bondage (use a loose silk scarf), as the majority of women report their sexual fantasy is to be tied up.
Women Want Clitoral Rubbing
Most of the women I work with learned to orgasm by rubbing and grinding against the outside of their vulvas. Try cupping your hand around the outer edge and allow her to control the speed, pressure, and rhythm as you provide pressure against her lips, clitoral hood and pubic mound.
Women Want Body Love
Women who feel confident about their genitals have more orgasms, so be sure to show love and admiration for your partner’s body.
It’s not your job to ensure that her body image is overwhelmingly positive (that’s her responsibility), but you can be a part of the ongoing process.
When you see something you like, let her know and be specific (e.g. I love the way your thighs look in those jeans or Your boobs look so hot in that blouse).
Be sure to compliment her nonphysical attributes as well, as body image is related to overall self-esteem.
Women Want Lube
Using lube is associated with higher levels of sexual comfort, pleasure, and satisfaction.
When sex play is wet and slippery, an orgasmic response comes more easily and new research reveals that American women’s perception of lubricant use is overwhelmingly positive.
If you’re new to the lube game (welcome!), you can order free samples of ASTROGLIDE’s range of products here.
Women Want Romance
Both men and women want to experience romantic emotions in their sexual relationships, and this desire is nearly universal — 92% for women and 88% for men.
But romance can’t begin and end in the bedroom. In most cases, you can’t expect to flip the switch from talking about tomorrow’s school pick-ups to animalistic desire, so you need to weave a bit of romance into your daily routine.
A short “I’m thinking of you” text message, a warm hug or kiss when you walk in the door, affection, or a stolen glance during the madness of family dinner are simple ways to eroticize your relationship in less than ten seconds per day.
The best way to figure out what your partner wants in bed is to ask her!
You may not get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but you’re sure to spark an important conversation that will help you to assess and improve your sexual compatibility as partners.
So go for it! Ask her how she wants to feel, how she wants to be touched, and what you can do to make sex even more pleasurable tonight.
Did we miss something on this list? Let us know what women want in bed by tweeting at us @ASTROGLIDE.
Images are for illustrative purposes only.
Dr. Jess
ASTROGLIDE’S RESIDENT SEXOLOGIST
With a background in sex education training programs, sexual diversity and equity, Dr. Jess O’Reilly (PhD) has become the go-to sexpert. Our resident sexologist shares valuable health and relationship advice as the host of Playboy TV’s SWING, through public speaking events like TEDx Talks and in her best-selling books including The New Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love. To learn more, visit sexwithdrjess.com and check the Astroglide blog monthly for her exclusive features.