Gratitude is more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling — it’s a practice that has the potential to revolutionize relationships, transform pleasure and enhance quality of life. The simple act of taking a moment to really appreciate your partner, your body, your capacity for pleasure and your life more generally offers a host of meaningful benefits in the short, mid and long term.

For some, gratitude is a natural practice, and the attitude of gratitude is engrained in the way we move throughout our days; for others, gratitude requires more conscious cultivation. And while it goes without saying that the effects of gratitude are not universal (our experiences and circumstances differ, and systemic challenges won’t be undone via gratitude alone), it’s likely that we can all benefit from considering how we can intentionally integrate gratitude practices into our daily lives.

In terms of relational benefits, one study found that couples who regularly express gratitude report higher levels of trust and satisfaction (Gordon et al., 2012). Another uncovered that higher levels of perceived gratitude among couples offered protective effects against relationship stressors, ineffective arguments and even financial strain (Barton et al., 2022). Couples will inevitably experience stress and conflict, but when we feel appreciated, the effects of these potential detractors can be attenuated. And a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way in ensuring that your partner feels valued, heard and connected over time -- even when you find yourselves overworked, snippy or fighting about money.

Why might this be? Gratitude helps cultivate positive emotions, ease stress, and encourage deeper emotional connection, which can help to lay the groundwork for a fulfilling sex life. Taking a moment to appreciate your partner and your relationship can make you feel more open, playful, and engaged during intimacy. When you feel valued, you're more likely to initiate sex, stay present in the moment, and prioritize mutual pleasure, reinforcing a cycle of deeper connection and satisfaction.

It follows that gratitude may also be a powerful tool in addressing sexual challenges, including low desire and sexual anxiety. By fostering emotional closeness and reducing stress, gratitude supports a mindset that enhances libido. When individuals feel genuinely appreciated and emotionally secure, arousal and intimacy often flow more naturally. Additionally, gratitude counteracts stress-related barriers to desire, making it easier to embrace and enjoy sexual experiences.

Importantly, it’s not just about your own practice of gratitude. When you feel both grateful and appreciated, you’re likely to experience an increase in sexual communal strength (SCS), which is associated with a higher motivation to meet one another’s sexual needs. SCS is associated with greater sexual desire and satisfaction and buffers against challenges like a decline in desire over time and differentials in desire. The find-remind-and-bind theory of gratitude suggests that practicing gratitude functions as a reminder of our partner’s value (Algoe, 2012) and on the flipside, receiving expressions of gratitude helps to motivate us to make sex a priority in alignment with our partners’ needs. 

Research also suggests that gratitude can reduce attachment anxiety and help individuals feel more secure in their relationships (Leonhardt et al., 2023; Park et al., 2019). If you find yourself overthinking or questioning whether your partner is fully invested or interested, practicing gratitude can help shift your mindset and improve emotional and sexual intimacy. It follows that gratitude practices may also buffer against performance anxiety as it fosters a sense of appreciation and connection rather than pressure or self-doubt. By focusing on positive emotions and mutual enjoyment, individuals may feel less preoccupied with expectations or insecurities, allowing for a more relaxed and fulfilling sexual experience.

How to Use Gratitude to Improve Your Relationship and Sex Life:

Given the existing literature on the relational and sexual benefits of gratitude, let’s now consider strategies to put theory into practice. 

Make gratitude a sensory experience:

Pair expressions of appreciation with physical touch to reinforce intimacy. As you thank your partner, try: 

• Whispering against their neck.
• Holding eye contact and brushing your fingers along their sensitive inner wrist.
• Writing a thank-you message on their back with your fingertips.
• When gratitude is linked with physical connection, it has the potential to deepen emotional and sexual closeness.

Turn gratitude into foreplay:

Gratitude can heighten anticipation and desire when you use it to set the mood. Instead of just saying "thank you," make it sensual:

• “I can’t stop thinking about how good you felt last night.”
• “I love the way you look at me when we’re close—it drives me crazy.”

These expressions of appreciation can reinforce attraction and keep desire simmering throughout the day.

Surprise them with an unexpected gratitude gesture:

The element of surprise and unpredictability can make the practice of gratitude feel fresh and exciting as opposed to routine and required. 

• Send a voice message of appreciation so they can tune into the audial connection.
• Leave a thank you note in their handbag so that they find it when they get to work or the gym (or wherever they’re headed).

Reframe complaints as appreciations:

Instead of focusing on what your partner doesn’t do, highlight what you appreciate and want more of. 

• Replace “You never plan date nights” with “I love it when you take the lead—it makes me feel so wanted.”
• Instead of “You always rush through sex,” try “I love when you slow down and savor every second.”

This shift can foster openness rather than defensiveness; and the flipside is that you can also remain open to their requests and feedback.

Create a bank of appreciations:

Keep a shared list or journal of what you love about each other, including things that turn you on, make you feel desired, and/or deepen your bond. When life gets stressful, or routines feel dull, read through this “desire bank” to reignite passion.

Express gratitude profusely after sex:

Before you roll over and pass out, take a few seconds to compliment your partner:

• “That was incredible. I couldn’t feel any better”
• “I feel so close to you right now. Thank you for that.”
• “You’re so good. I’ll always ache for you.”

Gratitude shapes how we see our partners, respond to intimacy, and navigate the natural ebbs and flows of desire. When appreciation becomes part of your daily interactions, connection, passion, and pleasure follow, so try it now. Start small: notice, name, and nurture what you appreciate in your partner. Try one of these strategies today and see how gratitude shifts how you connect -- from the living room to the bedroom and beyond. 

Barton AW, Algoe, S. B. (2012). Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455–469. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x

Brady, A. C., Impett, E. A., & Algoe, S. B. (2020). Gratitude increases the motivation to fulfill a partner's sexual needs. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11(7), 968–977. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550619898971

Jenkins, A. I. C., Gong, Q., Sutton, N. C., & Beach, S. R. H. (2023). The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(5), 1622–1644. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075221131288

Leonhardt, N. D., Drobenko, M. A., Raposo, S., Muise, A., Sisson, N. M., & Impett, E. A. (2023). Gratitude and sexual satisfaction: Benefits of gratitude for couples and insecure attachment. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(12), 4124-4147. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075231201540

Muise, A., Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., & Desmarais, S. (2013). Keeping the Spark Alive: Being Motivated to Meet a Partner’s Sexual Needs Sustains Sexual Desire in Long-Term Romantic Relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 4(3), 267-273. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612457185

Park, Y., Johnson, M. D., MacDonald, G., & Impett, E. A. (2019). Perceiving gratitude from a romantic partner predicts decreases in attachment anxiety. Developmental Psychology, 55(12), 2692–2700. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000830