With the holidays upon us, festive gatherings and celebrations are on the horizon, and hopefully, you’re anticipating a season of love, laughter, and cheer. But as our days and weeks become busier and busier, our stress levels may also rise, leading to feelings of disconnection. Data suggests that 41% of Americans experience an increase in stress over the holidays, and 89% report that issues related to money, loved ones, and family conflict are sources of seasonal stress. Fortunately, a few intentional strategies can prevent and offset the stress that detracts from connection, intimacy, and pleasure. From morning rituals to chore-sharing, here are some practical ways to stay close during the festive season.¹

Start your day with this one-minute gratitude practice. 

Rather than waking up to your newsfeed or rushing off to start your workday, carve out sixty seconds for physical and emotional connection. Before you climb out of bed, rest your head on your partner’s chest to intentionally tune into their breath and heartbeat. Take a moment to think about why you love and appreciate them. The experience of mindfully tuning into the sound of their heart beating can be grounding and gratitude-inducing, as it draws attention to the fragility of our existence and can remind you how much they mean to you. Not only do studies show that the practice of gratitude is linked to higher levels of happiness and relationship satisfaction, but gratitude is also associated with higher motivation to meet a partner’s sexual needs.² This brief morning ritual can foster a sense of closeness to usher in a day of harmony and connection.

Create a personalized playlist for your partner. 

Music sets the mood from the elevator to the mall to the restaurant to the bedroom. And the music we listen to during the day can shape how we feel later in the evening. Studies suggest that listening to music together can increase feelings of relaxation and bonding, so make a playlist that will put you and your partner at ease to lay the groundwork for playfulness throughout the day and into the evening. 

Consider songs that… 

• Evoke shared memories including tracks from a concert you attended together or your first dance. 
• Set a romantic mood with sensual rhythms that make you want to move your hips. 
• Include upbeat tracks that make you feel energetic, happy and playful. 
• Feature lyrics that express affection and care to reinforce positive feelings toward one another. 

A thoughtfully curated playlist can be a simple yet powerful way to keep the romantic spark alive.

Simmer. 

Build desire over the course of the day or week. Anticipation heightens pleasure of all kinds, so think of creative ways to let your lover know you’re thinking of them -- from the physical to the emotional and beyond. 

• Cop a feel when you pass them in the hallway. 
• Brush up against them, cup your hands around their curves or simply stop to take a deep breath and take them in. 
• Break the tension and ease stress by rubbing their shoulders while they’re cooking or better yet, force them to take a seat for a 60-second foot massage. 
• Give them a hug from behind and whisper something sweet into their ear while they’re prepping food, cleaning up or setting the table. 
• Stop them mid-day to tell them how happy you are to be spending the holiday together. 
• Tease them with saucy private texts while you’re at the dinner table. Compliment them profusely and let your compliments build from sweet to spicy.
• Pull them into the hallway for a passionate kiss.

Move. 

Sneak outside for a ten-minute walk, block time for a full workout, or simply dance for a few minutes while the turkey is in the oven. Better yet, get the whole family involved in a team sport like Ultimate, pickleball, or flag football, even if you only have time for a mini-match. The data is clear that movement is associated with a host of health, lifestyle and relational benefits. Couples who work out together report an increase in positive emotions during and after exercise, a boost in overall daily mood, and enhanced relationship satisfaction post-workout³. Movement is also associated with lower levels of depression, stress, and anxiety, as well as higher quality sleep, cardiovascular health, cognitive function, and happiness. You know you feel better after walking, running, dancing, stretching, and playing, so carve out the time before you get to carving the turkey.

Talk about chores. 

While discussing shopping, cooking, cleaning and hosting may not be your idea of foreplay, chore-play is a relevant phenomenon all year long, but especially around the holidays. Tension and conflict related to the division of labor can detract from feelings of affection and pleasure, so consider nipping this in the bud.

You can start by asking yourself: 

• Am I doing my fair share?
•  If not, how can I pick up the slack? 
• What has my partner done to make my life easier as of late? 
• What unseen labor may consume their energy in ways that aren’t readily apparent? 

When the time comes to talk to your partner, try to open with appreciation and be clear about how you’re feeling without making accusations. By tackling tasks together, you’re more likely to feel like a team, which can increase attraction and intimacy. And if you’re simply doing too much, remember that you don’t have to carry the entire load. You can opt out of cooking, cleaning, and hosting in the name of your own mental peace and relational health. One less side dish or some laundry in the corner won’t detract from love, connection, and cheer, so go easy on yourself first.

Block time for yourselves. 

In between social events and family commitments, setting aside specific time for yourself and/or your partner can be a game-changer over the holidays. 

Whether it's an intimate dinner on the couch or a late-night cuddle session by the fire, dedicating time to each other can help maintain connection even if your calendars are full to the brim. Research shows that prioritizing quality time with your partner is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction⁴, so consider adding "us time" to your calendar, just as you would any other event. 

Consider a quickie. 

Quickie workouts may offer a range of perks including improved brain health⁵, but pleasure-quickies also come with a host of payoffs. Not only does a quickie come with a healthy dose of pleasure, but couples report feeling more at ease, less stressed, more connected and generally in a better mood after sex⁶. If you’re planning for a quickie, consider taking one item off of your partner’s to-do list first, so that they are more likely to have the mental space to relax and enjoy the ride.

Commit to bridging the gratitude gap. 

The gratitude gap refers to the discrepancy between what we feel and what we express. You may feel thankful for your partner, but do you express your appreciation? Do you thank them for the little things that they do to enrich your life on a daily basis? And do you express that gratitude in a way that feels good for them? Commit to bridging the gratitude gap. 

Make a list of all the things you appreciate about your partner and be intentional about thanking them every day for the next month. Consider their daily actions, emotional support, unique traits, practical contributions, personality, care for others, expressions of affection, sense of humor, personal growth and shared memories to inspire your list. Then make a commitment to expressing your gratitude and admiration in varied ways:

• Thank them before you go to bed at night or when you wake up each morning.
• Send random texts of appreciation at unexpected times.
• Hide little thank-you notes in their handbag or throughout the house. 
• Post your appreciation on social media once in a while.

Make gratitude a daily practice regardless of the season and you’ll likely find that more pleasure, connection and meaning arise as a result -- from the living room to the bedroom. 

Happy holidays! And gobble, gobble. 

Sources

1 - https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/apa-holiday-stress-topline-report.pdf

2 - Brady, A., Baker, L. R., Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2021). Gratitude Increases the Motivation to Fulfill a Partner’s Sexual Needs.Social Psychological and Personality Science, 12(2), 273-281. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550619898971

3 - Sackett-Fox, K., Gere, J., & Updegraff, J. A. (2021). Better together: The impact of exercising with a romantic partner. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(11), 3078-3096. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211012086

4 - Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2021). Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning. Contemporary family therapy, 43(3), 226–233. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6

5 - A systematic review and Bayesian meta-analysis provide evidence for an effect of acute physical activity on cognition in young adults” by Jordan Garrett, Carly Chak, Tom Bullock and Barry Giesbrecht, 28 August 2024, Communications Psychology. DOI: 10.1038/s44271-024-00124-2

 6 - Kashdan, T. B., Goodman, F. R., Stiksma, M., Milius, C. R., & McKnight, P. E. (2018). Sexuality leads to boosts in mood and meaning in life with no evidence for the reverse direction: A daily diary investigation. Emotion (Washington, D.C.), 18(4), 563–576. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000324